By Catherine Danko
Grieving the loss of a loved one is unique to every person who experiences it.
What's not often seen by those mourning is other families going through similar loss. But when it happens, that connection can help with the grieving process.
That's the idea behind UHN's Services of Remembrance — a series of events held every spring and fall at Toronto General Hospital (TGH), Toronto Western Hospital (TWH) and Princess Margaret Cancer Centre — bringing together families, friends and staff who cared for patients who have passed away at each site.
Staff, friends and family members at Toronto Rehab are also invited to attend these services. For 2025, there are plans to integrate UHN's West Park Healthcare Centre into the services.
"Many who attend find it difficult receiving the letter inviting them to the Service of Remembrance, but once they're here, there's a sense of a shared community where people can grieve together, even months after the death of their loved one," says Suraj George, Manager and Discipline Head of the Department of Spiritual Care at UHN.
"It's an opportunity for us at UHN to honour the legacy of the patients that we are privileged to serve."
The services, which began in 2008 and were paused during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, resumed last spring. The next series takes place on Oct. 17, 2024, at the Princess Margaret, followed by services on Oct. 23 at TWH and Oct. 29 at TGH.
At the events last spring, about 500 family and friends of those who passed away shared emotional moments of silence before placing flowers into a vase to honour their loved ones, while also sharing short sentiments on the lives lost.
"Behind each flower and name was a story, and I felt such a connection to everyone at the services as I reflected on that," says Kim Fellows, wife of Geoffrey Fellows, a Kitchener-Waterloo, Ont. man who was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer in 2021 and passed away peacefully at his home in February 2023.
After receiving treatment at Grand River Regional Cancer Centre in Kitchener, Geoffrey was transferred to UHN's Princess Margaret Cancer Centre where he received additional treatment.
Kim attended the Service of Remembrance at the cancer centre last spring, more than a year after Geoffrey passed away. It gave her family another chance to say goodbye, this time alongside other families who had also lost a loved one.
"The commemoration of Geoffrey within our vast medical system made us feel like we were more than just a number or a statistic," Kim says.
In addition to friends and family, members of TeamUHN also attend the services, some exchanging happy patient memories while others hold back tears recollecting the moments when the patients were under their care.
Lily Liu, a registered nurse at TWH, attended the spring services as both a caregiver and a family member. Lily lost her brother, David Liu, who worked as a nutrition porter at TGH, to stage four gastric cancer in March 2023.
She attended the cancer centre service in honour of her brother and the TWH service to commemorate the patients she worked with.
"I've always known the health care system as a health care worker, but being on the other side as a member of the family is a completely different experience," says Lily, who says the service allowed her to see the impact she has on patients through a different perspective.
Though Lily, who shortly after David's passing joined the Interventional Radiology Department at TWH where David was treated, was nervous about attending the event in commemoration of her brother, she says "having a sense of community with everybody" made her feel reassured that she did the right thing.
"It's about remembering my brother, but it's also remembering and being grateful for all the people who helped him, and appreciating the support that we received at that time," Lily says.
"And it's come full circle for my family, because now I want to make a positive impact on the life of patients who are going through what my brother was going through then."
"Whether a patient, employee, or volunteer, all of us have a connection with the ones being remembered, either as their families, their partners, their friends, their colleagues, or as staff who knew them through caring for them," says Kyla Kumar, Vice President of Communications and Brand Strategy at UHN, who spoke at the service at TGH last spring.
"Services of Remembrance help us remember and acknowledge their importance to us and to support one another as those who share the common experience of loss."
The October 2024 services will commemorate patients who passed away at UHN between July 2023 and March 2024, and "provide a sense of closure and ritual" for their loved ones, Suraj says.
"It's a privilege to be able to provide that to family and friends of those who have received care at UHN and offer an opportunity for a final goodbye," he says.
Fall 2024 UHN Services of Remembrance
Princess Margaret Cancer Centre
7th Floor Atrium
Thursday, October 17, 2024, at 7:00 pm
Toronto Western Hospital
BMO Education & Conference Centre
Wednesday, October 23, 2024, at 2:00 pm
Toronto General Hospital
DeGasperis Conservatory 4th Floor, Munk Building
Tuesday, October 29, 2024, at 7:00 pm
The Department of Spiritual Care at UHN welcomes your participation. For further information, contact your staff Spiritual Care Practitioner or call 416 597 3014.
