I’m caring for a loved one who has cancer. Is it normal for me to feel stressed?

Yes, this is normal. This stress is called caregiver stress. Sometimes, caregivers can feel even more stress than the patients. You may be so busy caring for your loved one that you forget to care for yourself. This can be tiring and stressful.

Feeling too much stress can affect your loved one. They may start to see and feel your stress as well. To help your loved one, you need to take care of yourself.

How can I tell if I have caregiver stress?

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell how stressed you feel. Ask yourself if you are feeling these ways:

• I can’t get enough rest.
• I don’t have time for myself.
• I don’t have enough time to be with other family members.
• I feel guilty about my situation.
• I don’t leave the hospital to do other things anymore.
• I have arguments with the person I care for.
• I have arguments with other family members.
• I cry every day.
• I worry about having enough money.
• I don’t know the best way to care for my loved one.
• I feel my health is not good.

If you usually or always have these feelings, you may have caregiver stress.

What are the different kinds of caregiver stress?

You might have one or more of these kinds of caregiver stress:

Physical stress

Taking care of a loved one can be tiring. You may not have time to eat well and exercise. This can affect your own health.

Financial stress

It can be expensive to provide care to your loved one. Trying to manage all of the costs can cause stress.

Environmental stress

You may have gone through many changes to help care for your loved one. How you spend your day or where you live may have changed. These kinds of changes can cause stress.

Social stress

You may be spending so much time with your loved one that you don’t have time for other family or friends. Not having family and friends around for support can be stressful.

Emotional stress

Different kinds of caregiver stress can cause you to feel emotions like:

• angry
• guilty
• depressed
• embarrassed
• lonely
• frustrated
• afraid
• helpless

Knowing the kinds of stress you feel can help you make the right kinds of changes.

What can I do to avoid caregiver stress?

Here is a list of things you can do that will help reduce your stress:

• Make sure you eat at least 3 healthy meals a day.
• Try to exercise for at least 2 or more hours each week.
• Try to get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep each night.
• Join a support group. A support group is a group of people in a similar situation who meet regularly to share their experiences. Knowing you are not alone can help you feel better.
• Talk to your friends and family regularly and share your feelings with them.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remind yourself of the things you are able to do to support your loved one.
• Make sure you keep your medical and dental appointments.
• Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Don’t try to do everything. Remind yourself that you cannot take all the suffering away from your loved one, even though you might like to.
• Ask for help when you need it.
• Make time to relax and care for yourself.
• Consider taking time off work and getting financial support.

Breathing deeply can relax your body. Try this breathing exercise:

1. Sit down in a comfortable position and close your eyes.
2. Put your hands on your stomach.
3. Take a deep breath in through your nose. Feel your stomach push out from your body.
4. Hold your breath for 3 seconds.
5. Breathe out through your mouth slowly and feel your stomach fall back into your body.
6. Do this a few times. This will help your body relax.

Thinking about a peaceful and calm place can relax your mind. Try this thinking exercise:

1. Think about or imagine a place that is very relaxing for you. For example, it might be a place by a lake or ocean, a grassy field, or a garden.
2. Picture yourself in that place. Pretend you are there. Think about what you would see, hear, smell, touch or taste.
3. Let yourself feel as relaxed as you would feel if you were there.
4. Return to this place in your mind any time you feel stressed and need to relax.

Where can I get more help if I need it?

There are many places you can get help while your loved one is in the hospital. These services are free.

Caregiver Clinic

(run by the Psychosocial Oncology Clinic – Department of Supportive Care)

• Phone: 416 946 4525
• Website: Caregiver Clinic
  

Patient and Family Library

Main Floor, Princess Margaret Cancer Centre

• Phone: 416 946 4501 extension 5090
• Website: Cancer Health Information
  

Psychosocial Oncology

Social Work

• Phone: 416 946 4525

This department provides:

• emotional support and counseling
• information about other resources
• help with discharge planning
• information about other community service providers

Psychiatry

• Phone: 416 946 4501 extension 5405

This department can provide psychological support and treatment.

Occupational Therapy

• Phone: 416 946 4501 extension 5580

This department can provide relaxation therapy and training.

Palliative Care Team

• Phone: 416 946 2135

The palliative care team can provide advice and community support.

Chaplaincy or Spiritual Care

• Phone: 416 946 4460

This service can provide spiritual support.

Ontario Health atHome

• Phone: 416 946 4501 extension 4560

Provides home care and arranges equipment and personal community support services for when patients leave the hospital.

You may find it helpful to contact the following community resources:

Service Canada

Service Canada has 3 types of financial benefits for caregivers (Employment Insurance):

1. Family caregiver benefit for children
2. Family caregiver benefit for adults
3. Compassionate care benefits

• Phone: 1 800 206 7218
• TTY: 1 800 529 3742
• Website: Government of Canada

Canadian Cancer Society

• Website: Canadian Cancer Society

The Canadian Cancer Society can provide:

• an online community to connect with other caregivers (CancerConnection.ca)
• transportation to and from medical appointments
• updated cancer or other information
• information about other services like:
  • housekeeping
  • daycare
  • respite care (someone to come to your house to care for your loved one for a few hours)
  • companionship services (someone to come to your house to visit with your loved one)

Nankind

Nankind offers in-home and virtual programs that reduce the impact of parental cancer on children and their families.

• Phone: 416 730 0025
• Website: Nankind

Wellspring

• Website: Wellspring
  

Wellspring is a lifeline to cancer support. It’s a support centre for patients and families living with cancer.

Wellspring locations:

Toronto

Westerkirk House at Sunnybrook

2075 Bayview Avenue
Toronto, ON M4N 3M5

• Phone: 416 480 4440
• Toll Free: 1 877 499 9904
• Fax: 416 480 4496

Greater Toronto Area West

Chinguacousy

5 Inspiration Way
Brampton, ON L6R 0L7

• Phone: 905 792 6480
• Toll Free: 1 877 499 9904
• Fax: 905 792 1525

Birmingham Gilgan House

• Phone: 905 257 1988
• Toll Free: 1 877 499 9904
• Fax: 905 257 6146

Southern Ontario

London and Region

382 Waterloo Street
(Inside the YMCA)
London, ON N6B 2N8

• Phone: 519 438 7379
• Fax: 877 811 2645

Stratford Program Satellite Centre

48 Well Street
Stratford, ON N5A 4L7

• Phone: 519 271 2232

Niagara

3250 Schmon Parkway, Unit #3
Thorold, ON L2V 4Y6

• Phone: 905 684 7619
• Toll Free: 1 888 707 1277

Niagara Stevensville Satellite Centre

2763 Stevensville Road. Unit #3
Stevensville, ON L0S 1S0
Phone: 905 382 6121

Gilda’s Club Toronto

24 Cecil Street, Toronto, ON M5T 1N2

• Phone: 416 214 9898
• Website: Gilda's Club
  

This club provides cancer support for the whole family. It has a program of social and emotional support that can help anyone living with cancer. All program activities are free.

Hearth Place Cancer Support Centre

86 Colborne St. West, Oshawa, ON L1G 1L7

• Phone: 905 576 4833
• Website: Hearth Place
  

Hearth Place is a centre where patients and their families can find resources, share their experiences, and learn new ways to care for themselves and each other.